My married "friend" wants me to provide a solution for us to be together.

by Bonita

I met this guy through business dealings about six months ago. It was totally professional until one day after a meeting we had some dinner and drinks and really started to talk about personal things. We started going out more frequently- usually dinner meetings, breakfast meetings, and lunch, and once he came to one of my friend's house party with me.


We started getting a bit intimate, just kissing and holding hands. Then about two weeks after he took me to lunch and told me we need to talk. He is married. In our heart to heat convos previously he said he was divorced and had 2 kids, he never said he remarried about 5 years ago. His present wife is 10years younger than him, and they have no kids together, but she looks after his kids as her own. I am his age and i have no kids.

They met while his first marriage was on the rocks and I guess she made the move easy for him. He is not happy with her now, said he never loved her and dont now why he married her. His explanation for marriage was that his first wife moved on and remarried and had another child, he got custody of their 2 kids and his mom was helping, while he worked, but then his mom died, so he needed someone and she was there. so he married her, also he didn't want to create a bad example for his girls, by having someone just
sleeping over.

We are getting closer, its been about 4 months since our first kissing sessions and we have not had sex. He is the one holding back more than me. He says he wants to be with me, but dont know how he can put his kids through a second divorce. Since they are still adjusting. He has asked me to find a way for him, since he doesnt know what to do. He says he loves me and I love him too. He is willing to go with whatever plan of action i can devise, but he doesnt have the energy to instigate. He runs a very successful business and is busy at work, and with kids, he is a great father. We work well together , and he sees me as his future mate to grow with, his wife stays home with the kids and occasionally work but I dont think he respects her intellectually and they argue frequently.

He went out with his first wife for 15 years and they were married for 6. He met his second wife and they were married in 1-2 years, its now almost 5 years. We are both 40.

I need a plan of action to be with him. We both want this. Writing it down makes it look so wrong, but he is genuine and says he doesn't want us to sleep together until we are sure we can work out, he is not looking for an extra marital affair. What should I do?

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Oct 20, 2014
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Test The Solution!!!
by: Lemon & Autumn, "L.A."

Hi Bonita,

Sorry it took me so long to get to you...

I understand your point of view and it's a good one. I'm sure you find him as honorable as he says. What I'm hear to tell you is this: He wants you to find a solution, then find one. This will test his true intentions for you and your future together.

If you notice that every solution you bring to him is getting a NO THAT WOULDN'T WORK reply; the writing is then on the wall and you should walk away from this relationship. It sounds as though you have fallen hard but I want you to also back away from the situation and be sure to distinguish what he's saying versus what's really happening. If he was meant to be yours, you shall have him. If not send him home to his wife and kids. There are too many single men out here that are ready and willing!!! Test the waters and see what happens. Let the chips fall where they may.

Wishing You The Best in Love~

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