My man is Cheating, what should I do?

by Jackie
(Grand Rapids, MI, US)

I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me when I found a strange number on our phone and I called it back. That is when the woman on the other line knew so much about me it was a shock.

I confronted my man and he told me that the lady just wanted to upset me. I ask him why would she want to do that when she does not even know me. Once I found out he started to come home later and later, he even spent the whole night out. I became a hurt and angry woman, he blame me for making him have an affair, how could I make someone have sex with another person is beyond me. It is three months since I found out I am hurt beyond words, I have never felt this type of pain in all my life. I am two quarters from graduating college and you see I cannot afford to pay the full rent for our apartment so I'm stuck until I graduate and find a job where I would be making a little more money and be able to pay for my own apartment so I have given myself until the end of the year to be fully on my own. But cheating hurts I would preferred if a man doesn't want you he should just let you know that he doesn't feel the same way about you anymore and he wants to move on, it will hurt but not as much as if he is honest with you.

So in my situation I have to live here with him while he goes out with his new lady and "F" down the place. I'm hurting still because I loved my man, but at the same time I have to continue with my life and know that I would never forgive him. Why when a man wants to cheat he starts to spill his relationship? If there is someone out there in my position let me know ho I should handle this issue should I walk or should I work it out.

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Mar 29, 2013
Ultimately Your Decision!
by: Lemon & Autumn

Hi Jackie,

I am saddened to hear about your situation but unfortunately this is the story of so many women today. I’m assuming the phone number you called back, you found on your ‘home phone’? You confronted your man about this woman who knew so much about you and all he could say was “she just wanted to upset you?” This, my friend was the biggest lie and you have every right to feel disrespected!

You can’t make your partner cheat; they can do a good job of that on their own. However, they sometimes feel the need to make up excuses or create distractions that can allow them opportunities to flip the script from them into it being your fault. I understand that you’re in school and can’t afford to pay the rent on your own and you may have already exhausted other options (nearby relatives, student housing, newspaper ads for roommates etc.), but you are NOT stuck anywhere but where you allow yourself to be. I’m sure all the lovers in the world can agree with you when you said that you would prefer your spouse to be honest when they are unhappy and want the relationship to end. However if they wanted to end the relationship, believe me there wouldn’t be one. There is a reason why he has kept you around whilst he continues to bamboozle you and masquerade as the victim to other women. Only you know why you stay.

At this point you have two options, they are: you STAY or you LEAVE. Let’s now weigh the options. 1) If you stay at this point, you are already prepared to suffer more of the same or worse than the disappointments and pain you’ve experienced thus far. 2) You detach yourself from the “relationship” emotionally, for the sole purpose of maintaining your focus on your #1 priority in life right now, FINISHING SCHOOL! You will have time to brood over him or others (and believe me there will be others) in due time. 3) You continue on the self-destructive path of abuse, distrust, and this basically dysfunctional relationship and potentially ruin your scholastic career that you’ve worked so hard at up to this point. Simply put, stay stagnant and stay, or if you want to thrive, prosper, maturate and become better, LEAVE. The decision is yours!!!

I am glad to have been able to address your issue and I hope that I have at least given you another perspective that will potential aide you in your development into the great woman you strive to be. Until the next time, be well, love well and smile a lot.


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