A girl who was very interested in me has called it off because I happened to have a piece of furniture from her ex! What can I do?

by A girl who was very interested in me has called it off because I happened to have a piece of furniture from her ex! What can I do?
(Canada)

I recently really hit it off with a girl, and she was all over me from the start (she called/texted me daily). After a couple weeks of seeing eachother, we take a romantic roadtrip for a walk along a lake, a romantic dinner in a historic building, and later we see a concert and we're all cozy together all night. Finally, I've let my feelings sink into this and we're both very happy. Not surprisingly, she wants to see me the next day, comes over to my place, and discovers that I have a piece of furniture that she had previously bought her ex-husband (which was news to me). Prior to this revelation, I mentioned that I had bought it 2nd hand from a guy who seemed gay and may have been trying to flirt with me. Turns out, she left him 18-months earlier on her skepticisms that something was amiss with him. I tried to comfort her, but she remained flustered and we had an awkward afternoon together. The next day, she tells me she won't be able to see me anymore -that she can't get past the coincidence, and the fact that he may have hit on me. She doesn't want any reminders of the past. She goes on to say that she's broken in terms of men.

I do understand the discomfort of the reminder of her failed past relationship. I got rid of this furniture right away.

I've tried to explain

to her that there will always be reminders of her ex-relationship - no matter where she goes or who she sees, the memories will come up at some point. No matter my logic that this could have been a lucky sign, or that she and I can replace her old bad memories with new happy ones, she is adamant about not seeing me again. This was a few weeks ago.

My personal take is that she's just avoiding all of her feelings (she was hard to get through to emotionally during our times together), and now I know why. I know I'd be a good man for her, and bring her the happiness she wants. And like I mentioned she was the one pushing things forward the most while we were seeing eachother. My questions are: 1) Why is she barring herself from the happiness she wanted? 2) She's still actively trying to date online, so it's not a matter of her being hung-up over her ex. What do I have to do with him? 3) What can I do? My reasoning didn't work with her and I haven't been in contact in 2 weeks. I would be up for doing something bold - I don't get this interested in someone often -but I really have to get through to her somehow.

I'm pretty confident that we would be a very happy couple. Somehow we both have pain at the moment, due to a silly coincidence. Help!

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Dec 15, 2013
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Thanks for the advice
by: Romantic

Hey, thanks for the advice on my furniture/relationship situation. As a matter of fact I'm still weighing the situation. Maybe she is small-minded......those signs are there I guess! I'll consider your advice of going big, or doing nothing at all!

Thanks so much, and hope your holiday was excellent.

Dec 11, 2013
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The things we do for love...
by: Lemon & Autumn, "L.A."

Hello!

So sorry for the delay, I've been vacationing for the Holidays. I'm sure you've already reached a solution but I will give my advice anyway.

First I want to start by saying that I am very excited to know that there are true romantics out here in the world like you. How you walk along the lake and take pride in the courting process. I admire that!!!

Keep in mind that my advice is bittersweet so that you don't feel discouraged afterwards. Let us begin with the breakdown: 1. You bought furniture secondhand from a guy who seemed gay. Your lady friend comes over and notices this furniture and things become awkward the rest of the night. Ultimately she can't seem to get passed the coincidence and the fact that her ex tried to hit on you (that part irrelevant). The kicker: You got rid of the furniture and still she's adamant about not seeing you anymore.

From my view, you can handle this situation in one of two ways.

1. If you really want to pursue this relationship you should probably put your feelings aside. Sometimes when we go after what we want, we may end up getting hurt. So put on your game face and go that extra mile to win her heart. Go above and beyond the call of duty and just keep in mind that even after you've spent the money, wasted the time and exhausted every possibility you could end up alone.

2. Stay away from her! If you pursue her for some strange reason I do not think she will be capable of giving reciprocating the love you are offering. She is someone who is a bit small minded and I say that because it is such a small world and many things can be coincidental. There are always new love interests that can have the same traits and/or characteristics of ex-partners. That doesn't necessarily mean that they should be left alone, it only means that they are human. Now, if those traits in your new partner are bad traits from your previous relationship then that's another story. According to what you have said here, FURNITURE happens to be the deal breaker and that is very unfortunate for her - she's missing out:)

Ultimately what I would do is: Leave her be! You gave the furniture away; what else could she want you to do??? Forget about it!

Take a nice hot bubble bath (men should do this once a month), shave, moisturize, read a tantalizing book and get back to being the romantic stud you are. I'm sure there is a beautiful woman on this planet we call earth that would love to have you and that is no coincidence!

Wishing You the Best in Love~

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